“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz
“What makes us human, I think, is an ability to ask questions, a consequence of our sophisticated spoken language.” ~ Jane Goodall
You are costing yourself an unlimited amount of happiness, support, and abundance. This atrocity is going on almost daily in your life and you just don’t know it. That’s because you don’t realize how much you are hampering yourself by not exercising your asking muscles.
What is the last thing you wanted but didn’t ask for? Did you need someone to explain something a second time but didn’t want to look foolish so you just pretended to understand? Did you think your spouse should know what you were thinking so you didn’t ask AND then resented them for not being psychic? Did you need a hand with a task but didn’t want to seem weak or unable so you didn’t ask for it?
How much less do you settle for everyday just because you don’t ask? You deserve to be heard, supported, and get what you want. The only catch is you have to communicate by asking, which for most of us is a sticking point.
Regardless of your childhood programing, it’s not nobler to not ask. You are just hampering the flow of love and support that wants to come into your life. Perhaps these situations occurred just to give you the opportunity to ask.
Think back to that last time you wanted something and didn’t ask for it. What could have happened if you had asked? Could someone have had the pleasure of helping you? Could you have the pleasure of getting what you wanted?
Yet, those things don’t spring to mind when the situation arises. Instead you are plagued with fears and insecurities about yourself and the way you appear to others.
It’s at this moment that you cripple yourself. You choke off the love and support that is knocking at your door, wanting to come in and expand your life.
So how do you solve this problem? By powering up your asking with my LAMP Effect.
My LAMP Effect address four core issues that block you from asking for and receiving what you want.
These four core issues are as follows:
- What are your core beliefs about asking?
- What are your childhood scars around asking?
- What power does the word no have over your life?
- Do you only ask for what you believe you can have?
LAMP stands for the following:
L – Limiting Beliefs
A – Apathy
M – Meaning of No
P – Perceptions about what you can have vs. what you really want
Your Limiting Beliefs
What are your core beliefs about asking for what you want? Do you think that it’s rude to ask? Do you believe that if someone loves you then they should know what you want and if you have to ask for it then it doesn’t count? Do you believe that people will reject you? Or perhaps you think you aren’t worthy of help?
Many of us grew up with negative programing about asking for what we want. If you watch a little child they ask unabashedly. That is until someone shames them, criticizes them, or ignores them. Then they learn that asking is “bad” and at that point their world gets very small.
Open up your world! Reject that programing. Ask someone for something. Don’t do it for the response but for the information it will give you about yourself. Listen to your inner voice. By making that request you are allowing your inner beliefs an opportunity to surface where you can examine and shift them.
So, when you ask someone for something listen. Hear what your inner voice says about your asking and then check it out. Is what it’s telling you still feel true? Do you have to believe what it’s saying or can you free yourself to believe something else? Maybe something that is more expansive? Believe something that views the world as a place of support and love, all directed at you.
Apathy is the result of your childhood programing. It’s a direct correlation for how beaten down you were around this topic. To measure your apathy level, notice how many times you respond, “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” when asked a question. Even simple questions like, “What do you want for dinner?” or “What do you want to do this weekend?”
Open yourself up to what’s possible and believe you can have it. You don’t know you can order lobster if you’ve only ever eaten McDonalds. Look for opportunities to try new things. Pick up a different magazine and look for something interesting. Talk to someone new and get a different perspective. Dream. Pay attention – lots of wonderful things are going on around you so tune into them.
Your Meaning Around the Word No
What’s the meaning you give to the word no? Is it a personal rejection? Is it an indicator of how good your ideas are? Is it a stopper for you?
The meaning you give no has a direct relationship with your comfort level of asking. If no is a personally painful experience because it is a rejection of you, then you will not risk asking unless you are either really sure or really desperate. Both of these scenarios are not ideal.
Take the sting out of the word no. See no as not yet. It only means that your request did not line up with the person you asked. Maybe the timing was off; maybe the request did not speak to them. But that’s all it means. It’s not personal nor is it a rejection. It’s just a misalignment.
So make some requests where you are unattached to the response. If you get a yes great, if you get a no great! Just practice the asking and don’t put any weight on the response. Do this until you can take no lightly.
Your asking is colored by your perception. Do you ask for what you believe you can get or do you ask for what you really want? Do you temper your asking because you don’t want to be disappointed?
Ask full out. Check in with yourself next time you make a request and make sure it’s really what you want – not just what you’ll take. Go for it! You don’t help yourself by reigning in your requests.
By using my LAMP Effect to light up your asking you will also light up your life. The world is a place teeming with support and love for you, however you need to allow it to come into your life by asking for what you want. Asking opens the door so this energy can flow into your life.
I ask you to take on a challenge; ask for something, anything, totally detached from the response. Do it just for the practice of asking. Do this for 30 days and see how much more expansive your life feels.
I love to hear your feedback so let me know how it goes! You can leave a comment below or give me a call at 336-540-0088.
Most of all have fun with this. Trust that you are loved and supported. And of course, if there is anything I can do to help you, please ask!