“Pick a dysfunction and it’s a family problem.” ~ Robert Downey, Jr.
“You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” ~ Frederick Buechner
Family is where we begin our journey on this wonderful spinning orb that flies through space. We are born into a grouping of people with their own issues, strengths, weaknesses, and inherited beliefs. As we grow up we are formed by these peculiarities and they become the foundation our future grows upon.
So how do you keep the best and weed out the rest? By digging deep into the soil of your garden to take an analysis of what’s there that serves you and what’s there that is stunting you.
All families have drama, experience hardship, and cause each other pain. These situations are part of the human experience. However, it’s the quality of the soil your family plants you in that affects how things blossom in your life.
For example, if you have a mother who is bitter from her life’s hardships, she may pass along to you an acidic way of seeing the world, thus soil that has too much lime in it so it burns every tender shoot of an idea that tries to take hold in your life.
As a child when you brought her ideas about what you wanted to do when you grew up and she shot them down with a, “That’ll never work” she’d dumped a load of lime in your garden plot.
A little lime is supportive, but too much is deadly. So the more she does this the more you grow into a person whose ideas never work out. Why? Because you have an underlining message that loops through your mind of doubt and resignation that overpowers the positive energy you put into things.
If you have recurring patterns of loss, of things not working out, or disappointments then you are probably carrying negative family beliefs in your subconscious that are ruining the soil that your dreams and desires are planted in.
How do you recondition your subconscious soil so it becomes fertile again? It’s a two-step process of soil analysis and soil reclamation.
“Family is supposed to be our safe heaven. Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
First of all, you need to identify the toxins in your soil. You do this by noticing and recording them. Sit down and write out all the thoughts that loop in your head. You know, those nagging voices you hear when you have a new idea, want something, or feel ready to take a big step.
What do those voices say to you that cause you to pause, falter, or turn around and retreat? Those are the statements I want you to capture. Carry a small notebook around with you to snag the ones that pop up unexpectedly, like when someone complements you or you are handed a big task at work. You must be vigilant because these toxins are buried deep in your subconscious soil so grab them when they bubble up.
Once you have your list of pervasive pollutants analyze these statements’ value by asking if they are true, kind and/or necessary. Understanding the reason for these voices will help you silence them.
For example, the “That’ll never work” statement is a protection statement; it’s purpose is to keep you from getting hurt by failure. So is it true that what you want to do won’t work? No – you can’t know that before trying. Also, what’s work actually mean? Sometimes things don’t go as we planned but good things still result from our actions so “work” is relative.
Secondly, is it kind? No. It’s a statement that makes you feel defeated and dismissed. Thirdly, is it necessary? No. You are no longer a child that needs protecting. You now have lots of life experience and can make sound decisions without someone hovering over you.
So based on these three guidelines you acknowledge this statement is no longer serving your highest good.
“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” ~ Deepak Chopra
The next thing you do is recondition your soil by adding beneficial statements that neutralize the toxic ones. Affirmations are a great way to replace negative beliefs with positive ones.
Affirmations are short, positive present tense sentences that begin with “I” or “My”. So an affirmation to emend the “That’ll never work” thought you get when you have an idea could be, “I am grateful for my creative inspiration and know all outcomes are for my highest good”. Your affirmations are unique to you so make them serious, silly, plain, or colorful. The more they sound like you, the faster your subconscious will accept them as your new truth.
As a Master Gardener I’m an experienced subconscious soil reconditioner, so if you need help enriching your soil so your roots are strong and the fruits of your labors bloom and produce, just give me a call.
Top Photo Credit: Veggies at Corvallis Farmers Market by Friends of Family Farmers