Posts tagged: Life Changes

The Art of Telling a New Story

[ This is a reprint of my June 2012 article in the Natural Triad Magazine. Please take a few minutes and watch the most amazing video, at the bottom of this post, showing the transformative power of telling yourself a new story of who you are.]

The Art of Telling a New Story

By: Donna Burick

Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it.  – Marianne Williamson

Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, the power to retell it, rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change, truly are powerless, because they cannot think new thoughts. —Salman Rushdie

If you keep telling the same sad small story, you will keep living the same sad small life. —Jean Houston

Many people don’t realize the extent to which stories influence our behavior and even shape our culture. Think about how Bible stories teach the fundamentals of religion and rules of conduct. Think of the fables and parables that molded your values. Think of how stories about your national, cultural or family history have shaped your attitudes about yourself and others. —Lawrence Shapiro, in How to Raise a Child with a High EQ: A Parents’ Guide to Emotional Intelligence

Imagine yourself as an old peasant, walking down the road with a very heavy bag slung over your shoulder. As you go down the dusty road this bag causes you to stoop over as you perch it on your back. Although this bag is heavy and awkward you cling to it because it contains all your life stories. The thought of leaving it behind is terrifying. What if you come to a point in the road and you need to make a choice? How would you navigate it without pulling out an old story? What if you are traveling alongside a partner? Could you interact with them without the aid of these heavy memories as your guide?

Not only can you navigate your life more easily without clinging to this old bag of tales but the only way to go through life with ease is to let it go. However, you need to replace it with something else – nature abhors a vacuum. Therefore, it is time you learn the art of telling new stories.

The first step in learning to tell a new story is to realize that the stories you’ve carried for so long as “Truth” are not. They are memories, stories you’ve told yourself & others and as such they are altered each time you recall or retell them. This is a natural process that the mind goes through every time we pull things from one time point into another time point. The act of placing it in the present now alters it. As Dr. Nate Kornell explains in Psychology Today:

“Police have to be very careful when questioning witnesses. They basically treat a witness’s memory like a crime scene: once you go over it a single time, it’s irreversibly disturbed. For example, asking a biased question, even unintentionally, can make a witness tell their story a little differently. Doing so doesn’t just change the story; it changes the witness’s memory, permanently and irreversibly. And this isn’t just true of witnesses. The more we tell stories, the more our memories change.”

Let this thought really marinate with you. What possibilities open up if the very things we look to as life shaping events can be viewed as inaccurate? Well, if they are not empowering, life affirming stories then you are free to discard them as fiction. And if you are dealing with fiction why not write your own?

If you were given the opportunity to re-write your childhood or your divorce how would you reframe it? Can you write a funny or affirming account of these life events? Play at this game for a while and see what the effects are on your psyche.

For example, if you grew up in a poor family who struggled with the burden of having not enough of anything, revisit your childhood through the eyes of a princess growing up in an opulent castle surrounded by many beautiful things. Then shift into today and see how this new story affects your feelings toward money.

Or perhaps you are carrying many scars from a bitter divorce. What if you closed you eyes and saw yourself sitting with your ex-partner at an outdoor café and heard your voice say, “Thanks for the many wonderful memories. We had some really good times but I now release us both to go forth and see what other wonderful adventures await us as we interact with new partners.” And then hear them say, “You are so right. I really appreciate the time we spent together. I bless you and release you to create a new and wonderful leg of your life journey.”

By re-scripting your last scene you rewire your emotional state. This is so important because we create what is in our present experience from the vantage point of our emotions. For example, on days you wake up excited everything seems to flow but on the days you wake up frustrated then everything and everyone annoys you. Your outer world has not dramatically changed, only your inner interpretation of the events or story has shifted.

You may have resistance to this exercise because you believe you have proof that these bad memories occurred. However, this exercise is not asking you to not trust yourself. The purpose of re-writing your stories is to allow in the possibilities of personal growth by removing the painful aspects of your stories so their lessons can shine through. But what if you bump up against resistance or can’t seem to re-write these events? Reach out and ask for help. There are many professional techniques that can disengage the painful active memories in your life.

So in the spirit of summer, unleash your inner child and play with this idea. Recreate your memories as fairy tales or maybe sci-fi thrillers with you having all kinds of cool super powers. Your reality is all within your control. Since you experience your past in the now, by changing your past you shift your present and redirect the course of your future. These new positive thoughts magnetize your vibrations to bring in other good thoughts and outcomes, thus creating a snowball effect of better and better stories that will play out in your future.

Please watch this amazing video and see the transformative power of telling yourself a new story:

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New Year New You

New Year New You

5 Easy Ways to Make Lasting Change

tn_new year photo 2012With the New Year upon us it is time again to make those resolutions. However, why don’t you do it differently in 2012? Instead of resolutions, just decide on some SHIFTS you’d like to make in your life.

Here is an easy 5 step process for creating SHIFTS that move you toward what you are wanting.

S – Start small. Create baby steps toward you ultimate goal. Smaller bites are easier to chew and with small successes, you are more likely to keep these changes in place. Reward yourself for the actions you take rather than using progress as your barometer.

H – Help is not a bad thing. No one said you need to do it all by yourself for it to count. Seek out a support system, enlist a coach or grab a buddy. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself in alignment with what you want.

I – Intention is a powerful motivator. Uncover the powerful reason why you are making these changes. Keep a daily journal of your “Why’s” to help keep you motivated.

F – Forget your “shoulds”. It should be happening faster, you should be doing it better, etc. If you stumble or stray from your new path, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on track. No judgment, just keep going forward.

T – Think in terms of what you’d like to add to your life rather than what you’d like to take away. Focusing on your positive outcomes is a much more powerful motivator.

S – Self-Celebrate. The reason you want to make changes is because you want your life to be better. However, enjoy your life as it is today while working forward to a new you. This way the journey is pleasurable and you aren’t just waiting for the destination.

If you’d like some additional information about making new lifestyle changes this year, please see my article in the Natural Triad online magazine, 12 Lifestyle Changes for 2012.

Happy New Year!

Many Blessings,
Donna

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What’s Your Dream?

There’s an old Nick Nolte movie in which a homeless man goes around asking people “What’s your dream?” Finding your life’s passion is sometimes harder than it would seem. One way I have my clients assess passion level is by the way tasks and ideas make them feel.

Does thinking about taking on a new career path fill you with energy or dread? Do you feel better or worse after spending the weekend with that new person in your life??

Listening to your own body is the quickest way to tap into your intuition. Your senses are full of information that is reliable – you just need to know what you’re listening for and make sure it’s coming from the right place. Often the voice in our head is not our own and the things that seem to be draining us are not even real.

I came across this great blog called Life in Pencil. Anne, one of the blog’s writer’s, wrote an excellent post about this topic. It’s called “Where’s Your Energy?

Please let me know what some of your experiences are with making decisions and finding your passion.

I look forward to hearing about your journey.

Blessings,

Donna

 

Here’s a great video by Dr. Wayne Dyer about finding your passion:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl-cbXrMGP4&feature=PlayList&p=B4AF02883248AF93&playnext_from=PL&index=1&playnext=2

 

Here are some other blog posts about Finding your passion:

 

5 Simple Ways to Find Your Passion and Take Your Blog from Zero to Hero

How to Find Your Passion for Anything

How to Find Your Passion

100 Useful Web Tools to Help You Find Your Passion, Calling or Career

How to Find Your Passion (And What You Should be Blogging About)

55 Seconds to…Finding Your Passion

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How to Approach Your Work/Life Situations with B.A.L.A.N.C.E.

Your work/life situation is totally unique but one thing that’s universal is the fact that they often get out of balance. Here is a simple 7 step B.A.L.A.N.C.E. plan for gaining the work/life balance you’re looking for.

1. B – Begin. By deciding to self reflect and observe your life you open up the possibilities for change.

2. A – Asses where you are right now. Really look at where your time and energy goes and asses the priorities you have instituted. Make a note of which actions and priorities make you feel better and which make you feel worse. Also, note which ones are missing.

3. L- Love what is. Many people can not move forward because they are too stuck in judging their situation. They spend all their energy on struggling with it instead of accepting where they are right now and channeling their energy into making new choices.

4. A – Activate new patterns. Once you’ve looked over your activities and priorities and have stopped resisting where you are right now then you have the perfect opportunity to start some new patterns. Maybe you now have a clear idea what you want to say no to. Maybe you are ready to substitute a good feeling activity for one that has been draining you.

5. N – Notice your thoughts. Much of what throws us off balance is mental. Stress is like mud wrestling – there is no way to participate in it and come out clean. Negative thought patterns like worry, overwhelm, anxiety and judgments drain you of the peace and balance you are looking for. These negative thoughts are like stacks of junk mail that build up until they spill over and cover up the good thoughts that make us feel light, happy, and rejuvenated.

6. C – Course correct. As you begin new activities and new thought patterns you will naturally get “off course”. There are only two things you need to do to solve this: fix upon a destination and gently course correct as you go along. Use your emotions as guides to tell you when you are beginning to get off course and then gently correct until you are back into a more positive feeling place.

7. E – Enjoy. You’ve been told a thousand times that life is a journey, not a destination so just enjoy yourself along the way. Know you are going to get off course and that life will bring you unforeseeable detours, but make a conscious choice to enjoy the scenery along the way and then even the time you spend “lost” will be pleasurable.

Your work/life balancing act is unique to your situation. If you would like to create a specialized plan that incorporates a holistic approach please consider getting the assistance of a Whole Life Coach to speed up your progress.

Here are some other articles on this general topic you might like:

Here are some additional articles for you:

  • Energy Therapy Healing:Does It Have Physical Benefits … – Few people think about it, but energy is everywhere. At all times energy is a part of us and is flowing all around us. Everything we see including our own bodies and the earth itself is full of energy.
  • Wholelife Coaching: Lifestyle Entrepreneur Coaching – Whatever you are good at, whatever you enjoy, whatever you have an avid interest in, whatever you love therein lies your talent your Calling. If you are ready to enjoy the freedom of working for yourself, consider what it takes to succeed. It takes vision, planning and follow through, assessing risk and reality, developing relationships, and most importantly it’s a process that takes focus over time.
  • Whole Life Coaching – Margie Gordillo – Something in you wants to step up bigger. Whatever the leap is the only fall is in the choice not to climb.
  • Life Coaching For Your Whole Life — My Whole Life – Alignment : Live your life with integrity; honor your purpose, values, and beliefs. Balance : Create personalized strategies to balance your life and focus on what you define as important. Clarity :  Define success on your own terms.
  • Good Life Coaching | Sharon Good | Career, Life Purpose … – “Life is the only art that we are required to practice without preparation. Whole Life Coaching addresses your life in a holistic way, in which each part affects the whole. T he program begins with a one-and-one-quarter-hour Discovery session, in which we explore and assess your level of satisfaction with each of these areas.
  • Whole Life Coaching that creates a standard of Excellence at Work … – Your employees are the heart of your organization. When employees have personal problems making them unable to focus and be effective in their work. When there is a mutual lack of appreciation and communication between middle management and employees.
  • Life Coaching, Whole Life Coaching By Liza Patchen Short … – If I try to be like you,
    who will be me. provides life coaching as a whole life coach, business coach, and as a life coach for people and families whose lives have been afflicted by cancer. Whole Life Coaching helps move you toward your goals by providing focus, accountability and support.
  • Stephanie Yost Mentzell :: The Whole Life Coach – Put your ear down next to your soul and listen hard. Connect you, unselfishly, to your unique expression in life. Give you the tools to wake up each day excited about the life you have created.
  • Spirituality, Inc. – We will send you an email with instructions on how to continue. … who “applies whole life-coaching techniques to her work with people and with businesses. …
  • Whole Life Coaching – Your Number 1 Priority For Weight Loss … – I have put several programs on this site that have helped me create this online business. Have a look at the product and link pages. You may just find the items that will get your site up and running.
  • Life Pro Coaching » Are You Living La Vida Healthy? – Especially those of you who were so diligently tapping away negative emotions in relationship matters, in matters of business and growth, in matters of pain and dealing with OCD, in many other matters such as weight loss and emotional eating, as well as feeling like you’re blocked on all levels. process and dealt with lots of hidden layers of energetic blockages. I know you have made real progress, and that’s commendable.
  • Whole Life Coaching How to Finally Get What You Want | Engage Today – Whole Life Coaching might be a new term to you but the concept is 4000 years old. It’s a way of looking at your life in a holistic manner.
  • Managing Change in Your Life – The only constant in life is change, how many time have you heard that? No longer do we live in a predictable society; just look at recent world events from a global perspective and you’ll know this to be true. …
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Don’t Fight Personal Transition

Major changes in life are neither good nor bad; they are simply the door to a personal transition.

These are not changes to cope with, but rather opportunities masked as change.

If you fight a personal transition, worry about it or bemoan it, you’ll miss the renewed life it brings.

If you’re unable to work creatively with life’s changes, you find yourself stuck with one foot in the past and dreading the future. This drains you of energy and creates emotional or physical distress.

Clearing away the past and moving on requires you to be aware of your inner fears and how to use the opportunities that lie ahead.

Notice what is making you so uncomfortable about the change you are facing and face it head on.

Change is inevitable, but struggle is optional.

Here are some other blog posts on similar topics:

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Personal Transformation – Is Now a Good Time for a Change?

Life Coach in Greensboro

Personal Transformation is cyclical – much like the seasons. Autumn is rapidly approaching but how does this season change affect your personal growth cycle??

I wrote a recent article on this topic for The Art of Wellbeing. It’s titled Is Autumn a Safe Time for Life Transitions? You can read it here:

http://www.artofwellbeing.com/articles/is_autumn_safe.php

One of the best tips for keeping yourself in alignment as we shift seasons is to tap out your corticies. This keeps your left and right brain working together.

Here is a video of John Veltheim, the founder of The BodyTalk System, teaching you how to do this technique.

Here are some other thoughts on Life Changes:

I have a habit of life changes at or near the September Equinox …

The title of this comes from the recently realized fact that I’ve made major job changes in my life on or near the September Equinox (Autumnal in the north/ Vernal in the South) .

My Bird Sanctuary Dream: Changes In the Seasons of Life

But changes in life are not always as welcome. People like things to remain “the way they are”, sometimes, even when “the way they are” is not ideal.

A Road Less Traveled: Life changes.

Life changes, doesn’t it, after you experience a loss?? And I’m talking all loss – – a parent, a friend, a spouse, a child. Let’s get grieving out in the open.

Lifestyle Changes that Promote Stability, Quality of Life …

To live life to the fullest one needs to be physically active, have optimum fitness and be mentally happy too.

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